So Alone

Allan has been working 7 days a week...he leaves one job and goes to the next. We never see him other than in the morning for 5minutes before he walks out the door, and then for 5minutes when he drops Kit Cat off at lunch. Twister only sees him for the 5minutes in the morning, as at lunch time he's having his nap.

Tonight was his night off, he had to go help a buddy finish painting a room in his house that he had paid him for, no problem. He wasn't supposed to be home late as this guy goes to bed at 9pm so they are usually done painting by 8:30 and then Allan comes home. Well, he called at 9:50pm from a different friend's house (he was supposed to pick up ink refills and paper for me at WalMart on his way home), and guess what...it's now 10:38pm and he's still not home. I am just sick of it right now. I am alone. I am a single Mom raising 2 kids without a car, and without money since he seems to control all of that. And I sit in the house, take them to the park, go to Kit Cat's things at school. But I do it all by myself. I am just fed up with it all. I asked him tonight because I haven't seen money from the Pizza place in awhile, I know last night he made $100 cash there after putting gas in his car, he gave me $35 today, $20 for Kit Cat at school (to buy Mother's Day gifts for my Mom, his Mom, and me), and $15 for photo paper. Suddenly he doesn't have enough money to pick up something for me at WalMart...yet he has worked every single day this week at the pizza place, the money hasn't gone towards any bills. Where the hell is it. I am just really sick of the same old same old.

And I can't believe I'm putting this on here...but it's about me getting my feelings out, right? I'm just so sick of being alone and being a single parent that I feel like I may as well be a single parent, at least then I would have the control and freedom of what is going on in my life.

I know I'm saying this because I'm angry, and I do want us to be a family...I'm just fed up with how things are and have been.